


Retribution; Or, Riverside Property in Egypt - Put Down Your Deposit Now

by FlirtyFroggy



Series: Hornblower Commentaries [5]
Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Commentary, Episode reviews, Essays, Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-10
Updated: 2011-07-10
Packaged: 2017-10-21 05:59:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlirtyFroggy/pseuds/FlirtyFroggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fifth and final entry in my Hornblower commentaries in which all the annoying and evil people get their comeuppance and all the pretty people survive, and it turns out that Clive doesn't bother me as much as I thought but I really, really don't like Buckland. Here we go...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Retribution; Or, Riverside Property in Egypt - Put Down Your Deposit Now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Bamber Bunnies](http://www.bamberbunnies.com/) January 2009. Probably doesn't make a lot of sense if you're not familiar with the TV series. Somewhat Archie-focused as ~~I love him~~ it was written for a Jamie Bamber fansite. For the same reason, this series of commentaries does not cover Archie-less episodes.

‘Twas a bright and sunny day. You know the drill: Jamaica, palm trees, marines, inappropriately dressed Englishwomen.

Inside a prison hospital. Through the bars we can see two beds occupied by indistinct figures. These are definitely just random people, certainly not anyone we know or care about.

Damn. Ok, so it’s Archie and Bush, looking pale. Very pale. I’m sure they’re just pale because they haven’t caught any sun. In Jamaica. Or maybe they’re in a play and it’s makeup. That must be it. Archie does love the theatre, after all. They must be putting on a play to pass the time. What? That is totally what is going on. Shut up.

A sombre-looking Pellew (is there any other kind?) enters a room with Hammond and someone whose name I can’t catch. They discuss how horrible the situation is. Hammond says ‘the guilty must be punished’. Good to see you’re going into this with an open mind, Captain. Pellew seems to agree with me (he does that a lot, I’ve noticed). ‘If indeed they are guilty Captain Hammond.’ Woot! Pellew’s going to fight their corner! There’s nothing to worry about after all!

Horatio and Buckland sit in court looking worried. Pellew, Hammond and the other one enter and Pellew reads out the charges.

Flashback to the Renown sailing away from the fort. Horatio and Bush are trying to get the ship in order while Buckland simpers on about God knows what. A now mostly dry (damn) and slightly battered and bloody (yay) Archie oversees Matthews and Styles lacing bodies into hammocks. Styles teases Matthews about his conscientious sewing but Matthews doesn’t rise to it. He is used to this sort of thing by now. Buckland completely screws the light-hearted moment by trying to act like he has any sort of authority and clumsily calls on Horatio to back him up, which Horatio dutifully does. Archie and Horatio exchange Significant Looks, complete with raised eyebrows and wry smiles.

How is the ship even able to move after the pasting they took? A pasting with heated shot, no less. Plus, how come, despite the heavy bombardment, only 11 people died?  I guess the Spanish gunners aren’t too good at their job. Otherwise the ship should be nothing more than a floating pile of fire and bodies by now.

Hobbs asks after Captain Sawyer. Buckland says unconvincingly that he is ‘a little better’. This is true, if you define ‘a little better’ as ‘tied to a chair in his cabin, wearing a straitjacket and unable to recognise his own crew’.

Buckland leads the funeral for the miraculously small number of men killed. All is normal until he says ‘We pray also for the speedy recovery of our captain, James Sawyer.’ Nobody moves except Archie, who is apparently physically incapable of not glaring at Buckland at this further demonstration of stupidity.

Randall tells Hobbs he ‘wouldn’t sail up the Thames in a riverboat with this crew’. I suspect Horatio, Archie and Bush might actually agree with that assessment.

Horatio and Archie try to convince Buckland and Bush to go ahead with the attack on the fort. Buckland once again has to appeal to someone else, Bush, to support him, which he does. They needn’t have bothered giving Archie any lines in this episode; his face is so expressive he doesn’t need them. He’d expected Bush to back them up, but just as Archie’s beginning to like him, Bush goes and confirms every bad opinion Archie had of him. Horatio and Archie also point out that they will have to face trial in Kingston. Buckland’s response is typically idiotic; ‘we have nothing to fear from any trial’. Horatio and Archie manage to look both incredulous and annoyed at the same time. May as well keep that expression in place, boys. You’re going to need it a lot. ‘Captain Sawyer would have sunk every man aboard if we four hadn’t had our wits about us.’ Archie barely keeps from laughing in Buckland’s face at this. Sawyer wakes up and tells them he will remember which of them ‘had his dirty hands on my back’. Buckland somewhat hysterically calls for Dr Clive.

Back in court. Pellew asks Clive whether or not Sawyer was well. Clive hedges (no big surprise there) and then drops them all in it. Pellew is unable to ask who took the decision to detain Sawyer (since he’s already well aware of the answer – should one of the judges really have already heard the whole story from one of the defendants?) so Hammond asks for him.

Back on ship, Archie is on fine form as he and Horatio have a ~~intimate girly chat over a glass of wine~~ serious discussion. ‘Acting Captain. I tell you, Horatio, never was a man more aptly named. He plays a part but he doesn’t even believe it. And no more do I.’ Horatio rolls his eyes and looks annoyed, probably because he knows Archie is right. ‘Archie, we’ve already lost one captain.’ Try to resist the urge to remove the entire chain of command, there’s a good chap. I suspect if Archie had his way he would remove half the Admiralty too. Bush comes in just in time to overhear Archie complaining about his lack of support for attacking the fort. ‘The virtue of surprise, Mr Kennedy.’ I will go to my grave swearing that the fort is the last thing on Bush’s mind when he says this. He tells them he’s changed his mind – he’s afraid if they don’t attack the fort they will all hang.

Randall and Hobbs discuss desertion. Hobbs says he can’t leave his captain. He helps Randall and the others leave but won’t go with them.

In court Pellew questions the wisdom of pressing on with the mission under the circumstances. This is understandable. Other than the need for lots of drama to fill two hours, why do they go to the fort? The reasons given, both official and unofficial, don’t make much sense to me.

Back on ship Matthews discovers the deserters have, erm, deserted. 33 are missing. Buckland admits to Bush he’s not sure how to proceed. Really, Buckland? You hide it so well, we never would have guessed. Bush takes the opportunity to suggest attacking the fort would be a good idea. Because it will be so much easier with half the crew missing. ‘Let’s try and save ourselves.’ I am going to ignore the fact that all of them are basically risking the lives of the crew carrying out an unnecessary mission in order to save their own necks. Because, let’s face it, it doesn’t reflect well on any of them. The crew don’t seem to mind though.

Our heroes arrive ashore in rather more daylight than they had intended. Archie is still bitching about Buckland.

Hobbs tells Wellard, ‘you stick by me and I’ll see you’re alright’. He actually sounds sincere, which I find hard to believe. Hobbs and Matthews have a very pointed conversation about sticking together. Styles, the Archie to Matthews’ Horatio (sort of), is cynical. They come across Randall and the deserters with their throats cut.

Back in Kingston, Pellew, Hammond and Whatsisname discuss matters privately. ‘I take it we are all agreed that Captain Sawyer’s good name must be preserved.’ Yes. That is the most important thing. You should definitely make that your priority. Hammond is determined at least one of our boys will be guilty; Pellew puts up a token disagreement.

Outside the Spanish fort the men are moving bodies as Bush and Archie discuss losing the virtue of surprise, which seems to be turning into a recurring theme between these two. Archie notices Horatio looking thoughtful. Horatio doesn’t think the Spanish did this. Having come to this conclusion, with the obvious implication that there must be someone else on the island slitting people’s throats, Horatio... puts it out of his mind completely and they carry on as if nothing was said. Good call. I’m sure it isn’t important and will have no repercussions later.

Bush threatens to kill Styles for making too much noise. Styles is, not surprisingly, a little annoyed at this. ‘Bloody hell. And I thought Sawyer was a bastard.’ I was only joking before about Styles being Archie to Matthews’ Horatio, but maybe there was something in it after all. He doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut either.

Horatio and Bush discuss who could have slit the deserters’ throats. This conversation has no impact whatsoever on their behaviour. Horatio seems mostly concerned about surprising the Spanish and it doesn’t seem to occur to either of them that someone who slit the throats of 33 men while they slept might possibly be, oh I don’t know, some kind of threat, perhaps. They could at least post look-outs or guards for the boats. Just in case the boats get stolen. But what are the chances of that?

On Renown. Clive offers Buckland the contents of his hipflask to help him cope with his paperwork. This is definitely someone you want in charge of your physical wellbeing. Sawyer snipes at Buckland from his corner. ‘Isn’t that so, _Acting_ Captain?’ Archie would be appalled to learn he and Sawyer have so much in common. Sawyer provokes Buckland into ordering Clive to give more of the laudanum he was so against in the last episode. The marine sergeant interrupts to tell Buckland he’s wanted up on deck.

Oh dear. Buckland now has a hostage situation to deal with. Well, I don’t see how this could possibly end badly.

My parents used to keep tropical fish and at one point they had a guppy with a deformed fin that swam so erratically it used to crash into the side of the tank on a regular basis. That fish would do a better job of commanding a ship than Buckland.

Horatio, Archie and Bush assess the situation at the fort. ‘Would you care to observe the enemy, Mr Kennedy?’ Yes, I believe he would. Archie, I had no idea you were such a voyeur. Horatio seems to be enjoying the view too. Poor Wellard doesn’t get a look in.

Well done, Buckland. It would have been quicker and easier just to shoot everyone yourself.

‘What bloody fool?’ What bloody fool do you think, William?

‘The men saw me undecided and they acted without me.’ Actually, it was just simple incompetence that let you down this time, not lack of respect. I can see how you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference though.

In the fort, Horatio unilaterally decides to act without telling Bush what he’s doing or why. He orders Matthews to follow him in search of Hobbs and the gunpowder. Archie, of course, follows too, as does Wellard. Styles attempts to go too but is ordered back by Bush.

Bush, Styles and most of the men are pinned down at the fort. Horatio, Archie, Wellard and Matthews run across the hillside carrying barrels (I assume Hobbs is there somewhere too) and looking for the route the Spanish officer took to the fort.

Bush and Styles are still pinned down. They’re going to remain that way for a while.

They find the entrance and poor Wellard is deemed small enough to fit through, something Archie appears to find very entertaining. Wellard is less amused. Archie seems to be having the time of his life in these scenes. ‘Now let him down. Easy, easy.’ Or, alternatively, just drop him on his head.

Archie gets a hero moment, shooting a Spanish soldier from three miles away in slow motion. This is in no way a sign that his days are numbered.

The Spanish appear in the tunnel and there is an unnecessarily large explosion as Hobbs blows up the entrance. Everyone runs away and Wellard gets a hero moment as he runs towards camera and is thrown forwards by the blast, tunnel aflame in the background. This, also, has no bearing on his probable life-expectancy.

Bush and Styles are still pinned down. Bush finally expresses some exasperation about Horatio’s disappearing act. ‘Damn Hornblower.’ Tsk, fancy just shooting off like that and leaving us to our fate. Whatever are we to do with him?

Archie’s thighs (and presumably the rest of him but, honestly, all I can see is thigh) climb into the tunnel through a curiously circular hole, using a rope suspended from grating that ought not to exist since they just blew it up. It must be made from that titanium-steel alloy the Spanish were so famous for at the turn of the nineteenth century. He checks to see if his new boy toy Wellard has suffered a violent fiery death, something that doesn’t seem to have occurred to anyone else.

Things are not looking good for Bush and Styles.

Horatio and co run through the tunnels fighting off Spanish soldiers. Horatio smacks one of them in the face with a barrel of gunpowder.

‘I’ll say when it’s hopeless, Styles.’ Bush is fantastic. Also, even though it’s come out of nowhere in this episode, and seems a bit forced at times, I love the antagonism between him and Styles.

The gunpowder boys run round a corner and are confronted by more Spanish soldiers. They back up, one of them (I think Horatio, possibly Matthews) making a sound not normally heard in nature.

Bush and Styles are by now quite screwed and prepare to hand themselves over to the Spanish. ‘If you live to see Mr Hornblower, tell him... ~~I love him~~ nothing.’ Bush is on the verge of handing over his sword when the wall beside him explodes, taking out most of the Spanish but miraculously leaving the British merely a bit dusty. ‘Glad to see you’re safe, Mr Bush.’ Horatio, you need to work on your one-liners.

Lots of running, shouting and fighting. The Spanish surrender. Matthews and Styles spot the Spanish ships escaping.

‘Still no sign of the Renown, damn.’ Of course there isn’t. Buckland is in charge. You don’t think the ship’s going to be where you need it, do you? I think Archie agrees with me. His face has ‘What did you expect?’ written all over it.

The boys use heated shot to attack the ships. Archie takes great delight in telling Bush that Horatio’s shot missed. Horatio is less pleased.

One of the guns blows up. ‘I know what happens when metal overheats. My uncle was a blacksmith.’ ‘I believe they call it the coefficient of expansion’. Very clever of you boys. It might have been an idea to use this expert knowledge _before_ you almost killed half your men.

I have nothing to say about the shot of Horatio riding the gun. There is nothing that anyone could read into this visual. It is not in any way symbolic.

Archie takes great delight in telling Bush that his shot hit its target. Horatio is gracious-ish in defeat. I love their ganging up on Horatio in these scenes. Teasing, friendly, brotherly, all boys together. How can it possibly go wrong?

Sir! It’s the bloody Renown!

Back in court Hammond compliments Horatio on his plan to attack the fort via an underground route before criticising him for leaving Bush and the others. To be fair, he has a point. Pellew and Thingummy defend Horatio. With Pellew and Whatchamacallhim supporting Horatio throughout, why is the outcome ever in doubt? Especially since Pellew outranks them both. Why does he let Hammond ride roughshod over the whole thing? How does Hammond get his way?

Pellew and Whosit have a strange and intense conversation where the normally restrained Pellew all but says he loves Horatio like a son. They discuss ‘duty to the law’, which is at best horribly ironic and at worst massively hypocritical given what happens later.

Back at the fort. Buckland arrives, looking inexplicably pleased with himself. ‘I take it the fort is ours.’ The looks on Archie and Bush’s faces cannot be described. Buckland talks about what happened on the Renown and Archie manages to control himself for once and remain outwardly respectful. Buckland walks away and Archie and Horatio look like they would very much like to punch him in the face, prompting a smirk from Bush who doesn’t seem to be able to keep his eyes off Archie. I am simply making the observation.

Buckland introduces himself to the Spanish Colonel as ‘captain’ rather than ‘acting captain’ or ‘lieutenant’. Archie and Bush exchange Significant Looks.

The colonel offers to give up the entire island in exchange for safe passage off. Buckland seems to be the only one who doesn’t think something dodgy is going on.

Horatio argues with Buckland about the wisdom of accepting the colonel at face value. Buckland turns to Bush for support but doesn’t get it. They take Buckland to the stores where the garrison’s supplies are somewhat diminished. The Three Musketeers are rapidly losing what little patience they had with Buckland. Archie’s earlier good humour has disappeared entirely. It turns out the colonel hasn’t been telling them the whole truth (who would have thought it, eh?) and the fort is under siege. Horatio (of course) suggests turning the situation to their advantage.

Buckland invites the colonel and his wife to dine with him on Renown.

Sawyer, still straitjacketed, is in his cabin being shaved. Hobbs comes in and sends out the barber and the Marine guarding Sawyer. Despite obvious misgivings they leave. Sawyer asks Hobbs what the lieutenants are up to. ‘The usual, sir. Just playing at command.’

Cut to Buckland, standing on the shore looking inept. Horatio and Bush stand on the deck of Renown, watching Buckland through the eyeglass. Horatio asks Styles where Hobbs is and Styles goes to look. The Marine approaches Horatio to tell him Hobbs kicked him out of Sawyer’s cabin.

Stand-off between Horatio and Sawyer. Horatio gives a speech about Sawyer’s reputation and how much he admires him and how it would not do for the crew to see him in this state. His manipulation skills have certainly improved since The Even Chance. Despite his apparent sincerity I’m not sure if I believe him when he says ‘I would not see you harmed’. I think maybe he believes it in this moment, but he wouldn’t think twice about seeing him harmed if it was for a Greater Good. We see the first bit of doubt creeping into Hobbs.

Our heroes are hauling a gun up a cliff-face. Hobbs takes the opportunity, while he and Wellard are alone at the bottom, to loom menacingly and make threats and comments of varying vagueness. Wellard goes up with the gun to stop it banging into the cliff. Archie seems to have recovered his good mood.

Back in court they discuss the canon up the cliff plan. Pellew looks smugly pleased with Horatio’s ingenuity, cunning and all-round brilliance. Hammond looks ominously frowny.

On board the Renown. The colonel’s wife asks Buckland how long he has been in command and he admits to only being a lieutenant. I wonder if he would have confessed if Clive hadn’t been there. The colonel recognises Sawyer’s name and is impressed. Poor Buckland. It’s hard enough being incompetent, never mind being incompetent while surrounded by living legends.

The rope carrying Wellard and the gun starts to fray. Horatio asks Styles to make him a sling. Styles’ sling is ominously noose-shaped. Sawyer is unrepentant. Horatio teeters on the edge of the cliff; Archie’s grin threatens to split his face in two. ‘Alright, are you, Horatio?’

How come they needed someone light to ride the gun, but now all of a sudden it’s able to take the weight of both Horatio and Wellard?

Buckland and his guests continue with dinner on board the Renown. Sawyer sings loudly, drunkenly and deliberately from above.

Horatio and Wellard on the gun. Horatio cuts through the rope and Wellard flashes back to Sawyer falling down the hold. ‘Sir? Have you ever done something and forgot you did it?’ I’m not sure why Horatio answers ‘all the time’. To make Wellard feel better? Just a throwaway response? Is he even listening? Does he have even the slightest idea what Wellard is really asking him?

Sawyer is still singing. Clive threatens him with laudanum and tells him he’s beyond curing. That ought to cheer him up. Sawyer continues singing and Clive forces laudanum down his throat.

Colonel Ortega is beginning to suspect something is going on but is too late. Horatio’s latest Brilliant and Ingenious Plan has already swung into action.

Buckland asks the colonel for his sword, enjoying to the full the fruits of everyone else’s labours.

In court Pellew sticks the knife into Buckland. I can understand the impulse but I’m not sure it’s entirely wise.

Back at the fort. The rebel slaves appear and start shooting. Archie’s wry humour makes a timely return. It seems that, no matter what chaos is going on around them or what imminent doom they might be facing, as long as Sawyer and Buckland aren’t around he perks right up.

‘Then why in Heaven’s name are they attacking now?’ Um, possibly because you shot at them? Sawyer starts singing again, despite what must by now be lethal quantities of laudanum in his system, and Buckland goes to his cabin. Sawyer taunts Buckland about Horatio before manipulating him into doing his dirty work. ‘Strike first, Mr Buckland. Or he will take your ship and you’ll be dead before you know it.’ Horatio would do no such thing, but Buckland is insecure enough by this point to believe it.

Pellew attempts to deflect the blame from Horatio and backs Buckland into a corner. Whoops!

Buckland sends Horatio on a suicide mission. Archie (of course) questions Buckland’s decision to blow up the fort but Horatio, despite having led a mutiny, balks at disobeying the order. There are manly hand-clasps all round as Horatio heads off on his one-way trip.

Matthews and Styles ask Buckland if they can row back for Horatio with the very telling phrase ‘some of the lads thought’. They’ve been discussing the situation, and it’s not just Matthews and Styles. Buckland, like Sawyer, has brought about the very thing he was so afraid of. Buckland refuses on the grounds that he can’t spare them, though he can apparently spare his best officer, probably permanently. Matthews and Styles try to argue and Buckland ends the argument by walking away. ‘Where is Mr Kennedy? Where is Mr Bush?’

Mr Kennedy and Mr Bush do not share Mr Hornblower’s qualms about disobeying Buckland and have gone after Horatio. ‘Archie! Are you out of your mind?’ ‘Very possibly but we thought you could use the company.’ Archie’s swaggery-pleased-with-himself-look-I've-come-to-rescue-my-boyfriend walk (to steal a phrase from Bamberrific) is a thing of joy and beauty. I think this is the moment Archie’s courage, love for Horatio (platonic/brotherly/monkey – delete as you see fit) and general disregard for the consequences of his actions finally coalesce into outright recklessness. The fact that the previously upright, uptight Bush has been infected with the same thing is just the icing on the cake really.

The entire crew watch the fort explode from the deck of the ship and we are forced to endure the kind of sledge-hammery writing I’d thought was behind us. I’m not sure if there’s a single line in here that was actually necessary. At the very least they could have been rewritten to be less explicit. The characters don’t need to articulate their every thought – if they do then something’s gone wrong somewhere. They only thing they don’t tell us is something we could actually do with knowing: do they know Archie and Bush are probably being blown up too? I assume they do, they must have noticed by now they haven’t come back and no-one seems surprised when all three of them appear on the cliff, but everyone seems to be mostly concerned with Horatio.

I’m trying to think of something clever, funny and/or fangirly to say about the cliff-jump and I’m getting nowhere. There’s lots going on – Archie and Horatio appear to be in death-wish-and-loving-it-and-reading-each-others-minds-mode; Bush, in a metaphor for the whole episode, is reluctantly dragged into the insanity; Archie and Bush link arms while Horatio and Bush appear to holding hands; and the fort, which has already blown up once, manages to blow up again – but I don’t really have anything to say about any of it.

Pellew quizzes Buckland about whether he wanted Horatio to survive the destruction of the fort. Buckland somehow manages both to lie and not answer the question at the same time.

The Three Amigos are soaked through and jacketless again. That’s not particularly relevant, I just wanted to mention it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything I love so much as Matthews’ almost-hug of Horatio.

Bush apologises to Buckland for disobeying orders and Buckland accepts with surprisingly good grace. ‘Well, it was true to form if nothing else.’ He also, in a rare moment of insight, gives us possibly the best line in the whole series, and certainly the most succinct and most apt assessment of Archie, Horatio and Bush: ‘You three, you’re so full of yourselves. And of each other.’ Horatio and Archie can be seen in the back of shot, standing very close to one another, talking quietly. It is the last time we shall see them like this. Next time they are together ~~Archie will have a giant hole in his chest~~ they will decide to leave the navy, go to America and open a bar.

Buckland enters Sawyer’s cabin to find that Sawyer has finally gone completely over the edge. Hobbs comes in and helps the sobbing Sawyer out of the cabin. When did Buckland stop being an annoying idiot and become The Bad Guy?

On board one of the prize ships Horatio and Matthews have a chat in what is by now a familiar scene: someone (Archie, Matthews or Styles) says something a little too candid about a superior (in this case Buckland), Horatio tells them off, they apologise and then in the same breath continue criticising said superior.

Hobbs, who seems to suffer from some sort of split personality disorder and oscillates wildly between beginning to like and understand the lieutenants and wanting to see them hang, takes Sawyer to the hold where he fell in an attempt to jog his memory. Wellard appears out of nowhere and tells Hobbs to leave it, that his mind has gone. Sawyer confirms that Wellard wasn’t the one who pushed him. Archie appears out of the same nowhere as Wellard, looking golden and glorious, and it looks like Sawyer will accuse him of pushing him. Sawyer has mistaken him for someone else – the closest Archie will ever get to being an admiral. Archie tells Hobbs to take Sawyer back to the cabin; Hobbs does so but warns he will keep bringing Sawyer back to the hold until he remembers.

A very intense Wellard and a stressed-looking Archie discuss what Sawyer may or may not remember and what may or may not have really happened. This is another scene where I feel I ought to have more to say. They’re both very pretty.

The Spanish prisoners make their inevitable escape using the oldest and most obvious trick in the book. Sawyer chooses this moment to ‘remember’ who pushed him. Buckland is taken by surprise and, for what is surely the first and last time in his life, tied to his bed. Archie and Wellard are still lurking below decks. How long have they been down there? It’s nearly dawn. Archie tells Wellard to follow him but Wellard goes the other way.

Matthews alerts Horatio to the fighting aboard the Renown. Archie, Bush and Styles fight on deck. Archie, forgive me for noticing, has his trousers half-unfastened. The same Archie who appears to have spent the night below-decks with Wellard. I know I joke a lot about the slashiness of Hornblower, but for the most part it is just that – joking. But this? I mean, what are we supposed to think? Are they doing this on purpose?

Sawyer, completely loopy by now, sits in his cabin reading aloud from the ship’s log. Wellard slips in, locks the door and points his gun at Sawyer. Interesting that his first impulse, on perceiving the chaos about to ensue, was to go kill Sawyer and then presumably blame it on the Spanish. One might almost think he’d been thinking about this. A lot. ‘I will not see them hang. Either of them.’ Oh, Wellard. Bless your brave, scared, loyal little heart. It’s no good, you can’t stop the inevitable. The Forrester Estate has decreed it, and so it must be. He is right though. He won’t see either of them hang. Ouch.

Hobbs is trying to reach Sawyer. Bush attempts to remind him of his priorities, without much success. Bush is sliced and diced but is saved from further harm by Styles, who in turn is saved by Horatio, who has drawn the Gaditana alongside.

Wellard and Sawyer have a last stand-off. I like that in their last moments the two long-running enemies stand side-by-side, and that Sawyer acknowledges value in Wellard at much the same time as he acknowledges his own insanity. I would prefer it if Wellard didn’t have to die at all, but you can’t have everything. At least he got to stand up to Sawyer and tell him what he thought of him (the thing Archie never got to do with his bully) before his untimely demise.

Ortega aims at Horatio but Archie gets in the way and the bullet ~~hits him instead~~ miraculously skips round him, changes course and hits Buckland right between the eyes. Bush, with less-than-perfect timing, shoots the colonel.

Bush and Styles have a touching moment before Clive decides to be suddenly and uncharacteristically helpful and decisive.

Hobbs kneels beside Wellard and Sawyer, who have not only switched places but also somehow managed to orientate themselves through 90 degrees as they fell. Hobbs tells Wellard to reveal who pushed Sawyer. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to think Wellard is whispering here. My best guess would be that he’s confessing himself, covering for Horatio and Archie.

Horatio, Styles and Matthews burst into Buckland’s cabin and untie him. A little gratitude wouldn’t go amiss, Buckland. This is the most fun you’re ever going to have.

Archie sits on deck, resting after the battle and enjoying the sunshine. That’s all he’s doing – soaking up the sun and revelling in their victory and having a joke at Buckland’s expense. Same as always. He says himself it’s just a scratch, and Archie wouldn’t lie. All that blood is just a ruse. An elaborate plot. To, er, get Horatio to declare his undying love. Or something.

Archie lies in his hospital bed, blood soaking through the bandages. He looks ~~dead already~~ perfectly healthy. He whispers Horatio’s name in a very brotherly way.

Back in court. Captain Noname puts his foot in it. You would think, after hearing how Buckland tried to send Horatio to his death because in comparison he looked like a fool, he might consider how Buckland would react to being mocked in front of the entire court, and potentially in front of the entire navy. Pellew, no stranger to pushing Buckland when he probably shouldn’t, realises this is a mistake, as do Matthews, Styles and a bunch of random sailors at the back, but it’s too late to do anything about it. Pellew tries to bring things back to order but the damage is done. Buckland hangs Horatio out to dry. Hammond asks if there is anyone else who can support his accusation that Horatio pushed Sawyer; Buckland turns to Hobbs.

A delightful little scene where Styles spits in Hobbs’ face. Lovely.

‘Nothing like a good clean cut stitched up in its own blood’. Whatever does it for you, Dr Clive. I don’t think Bush is quite so pleased.

Hobbs finally settles on a personality and comes through for Horatio. Buckland looks horrified. Ha!

Pellew asks Hammond and the other one to halt the court martial. While I agree with the general sentiment, I’m not sure that suggesting promotion rather than hanging as a result of mutiny isn’t pushing your luck a bit.

‘You’re Clive, you great fool.’ See? He can’t die. He’s too snarky to die. The snarky never die, it’s like the law. It’s one of the great rules of storytelling, second only to ‘show don’t tell’ (which, admittedly, is another one this show could pay more attention to at times). ‘Keep the smart-mouthed pretty one’. Everyone knows that.

‘Then I will answer it when the time comes’. No, Horatio, you answer it now and this is what you say: ‘I did not push Sawyer into the hold and that is what I will tell the court’. Just on the off-chance Archie might do something foolish and rash. And completely unnecessary if only Pellew would pull his bloody finger out. Really, Horatio. Have you just met Archie? Do you really think he’s just going to lie there and let you get yourself hanged?

Horatio arrives at Archie and Bush’s cell to find Archie’s bed empty. Bush fobs him off.

Pellew calls the next witness. Archie enters looking pale, determined and high-cheekboned. He nearly falls and Clive, just behind him, steadies him. Matthews watches him with concern, Styles and Pellew with knowing looks. Archie turns to face the court.

Horatio finally cottons on to what’s happening and tears off towards the court.

‘I alone pushed Captain Sawyer into the hold’. No. No you didn’t. Stop it. I’m actually not in denial this time; I really don’t believe he did it. Not for any in-story reasons – he had the opportunity and as, I said in the Mutiny commentary, I think he would quite happily push Sawyer down a convenient hole and, unlike Horatio, probably wouldn’t stop to think about what would happen if the fall didn’t kill him – but simply because if he did do it then it completely undermines this moment. If he really did push Sawyer then he isn’t really making a brave and heroic sacrifice here; he’s just fessing up. And that really would be unbearable.

‘I think we’ve heard enough, gentleman. Take this man down.’ Ok, who are you and what have you done with the real Edward Pellew? Seriously, where is the man who argued with Dreadnought Foster about the importance of men’s lives and disapproved so strongly of the value people placed on his reputation? Where is the man who argued with Admiral Hood and wrestled with his conscience about whether to disobey orders to save his men? Where, for that matter, is the man who, in this very episode, said ‘I will not rush to judge any man because the admirals want to sleep peacefully in their beds’? Can we have that Edward Pellew back please? Because I don’t like this one. Is he really so desperate to save Horatio (something he could have already done if he’d put his foot down) that he’d happily let Archie take the blame? Obviously he is. But I don’t like it.

Buckland looks like a broken man (good); Matthews and Hobbs watch Archie with serious expressions. Archie is led from the courtroom.  Horatio enters and he and Archie stare at each other across the room, looking very, very young.

Buckland locks himself in his cabin on the Renown, pouring wine in a continuous stream. Madness is clearly endemic among commanders of the Renown. Or possibly commanders in the navy. Or maybe it’s just that everyone who crosses Horatio’s path comes to a sticky end, eventually.

Horatio goes to see Archie. Clive tells him to take as long as he likes. Translation: Don’t worry about tiring him, he hasn’t got a prayer anyway. I really don’t know what to say about this scene except that it’s heartbreaking and beautiful and I both love it and hate it at the same time. Hate it for the obvious reason; love it because Archie is once again brave and self-deprecating and far more beautiful than any man on his deathbed really ought to be, and because this is possibly the closest Horatio comes to acknowledging out loud that he actually gives a stuff about someone for their own sake and not because of some noble ideal. Huh. Turns out I actually do have something to say about it. I wish I had more, but I don’t. I guess it speaks for itself, really.

Horatio sits by Archie’s bed for hours, during which time he falls asleep. Archie wakes up and is taken outside by Clive and put on a ship back to England where he is treated be a mysterious surgeon who miraculously saves his life. He spends the next few years hiding out in Portsmouth, waiting for Horatio to get a clue, gradually realizing that this might take some time. That is definitely what happens. You can’t prove it doesn’t.

Pellew comes in to find Horatio sitting by the now-empty bed. He gives him a copy of the Kingston Chronicle. He is upset to find no mention of Archie. ‘No. It was thought not politic.’ I am overwhelmed by an urge to stab Pellew, which is ok as it’s not really Pellew anyway. Not-Pellew gives Horatio his orders and informs him of his promotion. Seems he got his way re: promotion vs hanging after all. Lucky you had a handy dying scapegoat, eh? Not-Pellew leaves, wishing Horatio a safe voyage. Horatio looks like he might burst into tears as the screen goes black.

 

So, now for my pithy summing up. Um. Right. So, Archie’s dead and it’s the worst thing ever. Actually, it’s not. Believe it or not I don’t mind that he’s dead. I mean, obviously it’s tragic and moving and horrible, but if he had to go (and apparently he did) it’s much better for him to go this way rather than some half-arsed oh-I’ve-been-transferred-to-another-ship-see-you-around-Horatio scenario. He gets a good, dramatic exit and, ironically, becomes immortalised in the process. My problem with Archie’s death isn’t the death itself or, Pellew’s character assassination aside, how it came about. It’s what happens after. Archie gave up everything because he believed Horatio’s life was more important than his own; I do not think for one second that Archie would approve of the person Horatio becomes in Loyalty and Duty. Archie’s sacrifice was essentially for nothing. Which, again, I wouldn’t mind if we actually got to see Horatio’s gradual descent into not-nice-person-hood and the consequences of not having Archie constantly perched on his shoulder murmuring ‘it’s an injustice, Horatio’. But we don’t. We're all just supposed to pretend that Archie never existed, and as a result it’s like Horatio wakes up one day with a completely different personality. But, again, that’s a rant for a whole other episode that doesn’t fall under the scope of this site so I’ll leave it there, with Archie and Horatio living in a cottage somewhere in the country, with Bush living next door and Wellard living down the road, and Matthews and Styles, er, somewhere nearby and Edrington dropping by occasionally to sneer at the decor and make Wellard nervous.

What? That is totally what happens. Shut up.


End file.
